The Tree of Life

People go to the movies to get an escape.  They want the film to take them on a magical journey to a faraway place.  They want the film to provide them with an emotional


roller coaster where you learn about characters and are invested heavily in their outcome.  They want to see some mindless entertainment.  People who want these experiences will


be very disappointed by The Tree of Life.

At no point in the entire two plus hours of film was one word of meaningful dialog uttered.  I have seen many movies in my life, but never I have seen something where nothing


in the writing seems to further the plot.  Maybe that is because I don’t think there was a plot.  Sean Penn was there.  Well, by there, he just showed up in different locations.  An office building, a beach, and maybe other places, but I fell asleep.

Brad Pitt was there too.  He also was on the beach and near a house.  I think the house was in the 1950s. I think he


was supposed to be Sean Penn’s dad.  But I also don’t think in mattered for the plot.

Jessica Chastain was there too.  She was sad all the time.  I think one of her sons died.  Not Sean Penn.  He grew up to be


Sean Penn.

This film was directed by Terrance Mallick.  I’ve heard he’s a genius.  I’ve heard a lot of things in my life, some of them I just can’t believe.  It’s like Terrane Mallick is in kindergarten and we all need to pretend that his macaroni picture


is brilliant.  This movie was nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Cinematography in 2012.   This brings up a very interesting question.  How many compromising photos does Terrance Mallick have in his possession?  He got Brad Pitt to


star in and produce this movie.  He got Oscar nominations, which he definitely didn’t deserve.  I understand the cinematography Oscar nomination because without any sort of story, character development, or dialogue, you need something pretty to look at.  And there was pretty stuff


to look at.   So if you just want to see good cinematography, then The Tree of Life is the two hour video fest for you.

If it was not for this bet I would have never watched this movie, which would have been awesome.  However, I did learn a lot


about myself.  There has been a lot of backlash lately about the liberal elites on the coasts trying to impose their values on Middle America.  Me being born and raised not less than 5 miles from the ocean, some may say that I am


one of those liberal elites.  However, I’m sure The Tree of Life is the kind of shit liberal elites love and I could not stand it.  Therefore, I must have heartland values.  Also, I really love Waffle House.  I may be the only person ever to watch the Tree of Life and love the Waffle House.  Maybe I am the person to bring this world together.

Bauer for President!


This book report comes to you because Moss and I tied in trivia. Because we tied, we both have to watch the same terrible movie and then everyone picks the better book report.  The loser of that contest has to do another book report on a different terrible movie.  The Moss Addendum is stupid.

2 thoughts on “The Tree of Life

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