This movie has an amazing cast.

• Mike Meyers
• Jessica Alba
• Justin Timberlake
• John Oliver
• Stephen Colbert
• Daniel Tosh
• Jim Gaffigan
• Romany Malco
• Verne Troyer
• Ben Kingsley

With that cast, you’d expect this movie to be funny, well written, well acted, and so on. It’s not. It’s a giant pile of garbage. It’s not slightly racist, its overtly racist. It’s not slightly funny, it’s infuriatingly stupid. I’d expect that only the morally bankrupt would find this movie to be interesting or funny.

I’m struggling to find a good analogy to help you understand this movie.  It’s like when you went to Trader Vic’s for the first time expecting Polynesian cuisine but instead when you see the menu, it’s basically a jumble of Chinese, Vietnamese, Hawaiian and other Asian food. You take a step back and think to yourself, this is both pandering to a stupid audience that doesn’t know any better because their cultural awareness is so low and at the same time, any person who is half aware of these different culture feels guilty that something like this exists. Its like this x1000.

You remember that video where that racist lady from Orange County sang that song about her wanting to be a “neenja” ? Here’s the video if you don’t remember:

Watching this movie for me was like being that Asian lady in the corner. On one hand, you want to slowly slink away, on the other hand you want to throw a ninja star at that woman’s face. The Love Guru is basically this video in Hollywood film form.

This movie trashes Indian culture in such a stupid way that it is hard to not be upset, and this is coming from an Indian who loves Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Chilled Monkey Brains and Snake Surprise is funny, this is not. For example, a cross-eyed Buddhist (looking) monk practicing nun-chucks while making his disciples play with his urine is played by Ben Kingsley. Pardon me, Sir Ben Kingsley. Asshole. I’m not even going to get into the Gandhi side of that. By the way, he uses smoke bombs to disappear like a ninja (which is Japanese for you socially unaware plebeians). Someone should take his Oscar away for this atrocity.

Poor puns and terrible jokes plague this movie. I generally like Mike Meyer films like Austin Powers and So I married an ax murderer are very funny but this… I feel like he lost his mind making this movie.

The finale of this piece of shit ends with two elephants fornicating on the ice, electrocuting a dwarf, and  Romany winning Game 7 of the Stanley Cup with a penalty shot. They beat the LA Kings which is cherry on top of this shit sundae of a movie. Do not watch this movie, do not let your friends watch this movie. If they watched this movie and liked it, you get to punch them on the arm. Fuck The Love Guru. Go Kings Go!

This bet was made with a straight win/loss for the Packers/Falcons game. I thought Erin Rogers would be pretty good and win but he and the whole Packers team shit the bed badly. I shouldn’t bet on sports, I don’t know anything about anything. Lesson Learned.