Hillary – The Movie

Here is the entire movie – not just the trailer – I highly encourage you to not watch it. Well this one is going to be a doozy. This will be the first “documentary” I will have reviewed under book report bets. This film has been an incredibly frustrating watch for lots of reasons and […]

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Gamer, ahh (or should is say aghh!) the timeless tail of rebels fighting the government, man vs. the machine, free will, the gladiatorial arena, or is it a more modern cautionary tale about the prison industrial complex? Truth be told, its all of these things in their most terrible form. The cast in this movie […]

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Girl’s Trip

GIRL, YOU CANT GET NO INFECTION IN YO BOOTY HOLE! This all started when I went to the Renaissance Faire (that’s Faire with an ‘e’). As my friends and I walked through the streets of olde towne we met characters of all sorts and sizes. Many shopkeepers calling their wares from a distance and many […]

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Natural Selection

Scene Opens: A hunter is walking through a forest and slowly stumbles. Camera pans and we realize why he stumbled, he was shot. Is this why the movie is called Natural Selection? Have the animals evolved? Do the hunters become the hunted? We shall see… This is maybe the worst book report I’ve had to […]

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The Space Between Us

So here it is, the last and final book report for this atrocious Pixels vs Emoji bet. In some ways I have put this movie off and in some ways I have saved it for last. The other movies assigned to me are what I consider traditionally bad. This one could go either way. I […]

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Title: Eegah Tagline: The Crazed Love of a Prehistoric Giant for a Ravishing Teenage Girl! Budget: N/A Box Office: -$10MM? Key Actors: Jaws from Moonraker Blonde Boy with a smooshed face aka Ugly Kid aka UK Harlot named Roxy Shitty Alan Quartermaine aka Roxy’s Dad Synopsis: The movie starts with an ugly kid pumping gas […]

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The Emoji Movie

This movie is about murder. This movie is about totalitarian governments. This movie is about the downtrodden masses who only yearn for work. This movie is about police brutality. This movie is about vengeful gods. This movie is about assimilation. This movie is about consumerism. This movie is about America. ☹ Title: The Emoji Movie […]

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Hell Comes to Frogtown

I love post-apocalyptic movies, especially when the apocalypse is because of nuclear fallout. I’ve played *a lot* of Fallout, I think I am prepared. Title: Hell Comes to Frogtown Tagline: A new breed of enemy has taken over the world… Sam Hell has come to take it back. Budget: Couldn’t find it but my guess […]

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Santa with Muscles

As Maximus Decimus Meridius, the commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife said:  “I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” (for making me watch this movie) BTW, Chris […]

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Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

This movie is incredibly retarded and I definitely lost many braincells watching it. Well done Mel, so far you are winning the “who can brain damage Ameesh the most” xoxo Title: Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! Tagline: N/A Budget: ??? Box Office: 8==D ~ ~ ~ Key Actors: Steve Sanders Marc Cuban Sugar Ray The […]

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