Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

This movie is incredibly retarded and I definitely lost many braincells watching it. Well done Mel, so far you are winning the “who can brain damage Ameesh the most” xoxo

Title: Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Tagline: N/A

Budget: ???

Box Office: 8==D ~ ~ ~

Key Actors:

  • Steve Sanders
  • Marc Cuban
  • Sugar Ray
  • The Blond Girl from American Pie
  • Malcom in the Middle
  • Tuvok
  • Knight Rider

Synopsis: This movie is about sharks. Sharks that live in tornadoes. They eat people and birds. They are destroying the eastern seaboard. No one is safe, not even the president of the United States of America.

Analysis:

Hard to understand where things start and end. This movie picks up right where the last one left off which is challenging. I had no idea who these characters are, why they matter, and who I should be rooting for? My guess is, the side of righteousness is the side of the sharks. An interesting thing you may not know but sharks have been around on our planet longer than trees have. Mind blown, huh? I just laid some Shark knowledge on you.

The movie starts off Steve Sanders running across the mall in DC to get to the president. He’s clearly in a rush and we don’t know why. Agent Devaroe from the Department of the President (that’s not a real thing) picks him up and takes him to meet the President of the United States of America – Mark Cuban. Cuban bestows the Medal of Freedom to Steve. Then immediately sharks start flying in from nowhere. What the hell is going on? Where are all these sharks coming from? There is no way someone uninitiated in the Sharknado universe would know what is going on here.

The amount of cameos is crazy in this movie. Horse face Ann Coulter, Hooda and Cathy, the two drunk lady’s from the Today Show, Al Roker, Matt Lauer, Michelle Bachman??!?! There were some NASCAR drivers that I’m sure I’m supposed to know. PENN AND TELLER, I’m so disappoint.

Product placement is insane too! Universal Studios, Comcast, Subway, NASCAR, Universal Studios.

DID YOU KNOW THAT SHARKNADO SHARKS DON’T EAT FISH? THEY EAT BIRDS AND LIVE IN THE CLOUDS!

Review:

The flew to Daytona in a fighter jet when they stumbled upon a Sharknado attacking a NASCAR race so they did the logical thing, deploy a giant MOAB bomb and then shoot it with their machine guns to create a blast to dissipate the storm. Once they did that, they commandeered a secret NASA space shuttle and are going to use the booster rocket to create a tower of fire 60 miles high that is hotter than the sun! That didn’t work so they used the Regan era Star Wars Missile Defense System to vaoperize all the water in the storm. Something amazing happens at the end which redeems the movie. I won’t say what it is in case you want to watch this train wreck. That last action saved this movie from a grade of F. This movie gets a D+

This book report was the biggest loss in bookreportbets.com history. It was 7 way action with 2:1 odds that Pixels would have a better opening than the Emoji Movie. It’s a sad world where this didn’t happen. While I enjoyed Pixels, my faith in humanity has dropped to a new low.

This is Book Report 2 of 7 for this bet. ☹

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