Hell Comes to Frogtown

I love post-apocalyptic movies, especially when the apocalypse is because of nuclear fallout. I’ve played *a lot* of Fallout, I think I am prepared.

Title: Hell Comes to Frogtown

Tagline: A new breed of enemy has taken over the world… Sam Hell has come to take it back.

Budget: Couldn’t find it but my guess it was a few million.

Box Office: ☹ – did this ever play in theaters? I sure hope so.

Key Actors:

  • Roddy Rowdy Piper

Synopsis: Hell comes to Frogtown is about a guy named Sam Hell who literally goes to a place called Frogtown. Its not about a figurative hell at all. Well Sam, played by Roddy Rowdy Piper, is one of the few remaining fertile men and he has been captured by medtech, a female faction that was created after the nuclear holocaust. Their mission is to bang fertile dudes and get pregnant.

So Sam, with the aid of an uptight sex crazed colonel and a crazy machine gunner are driving into mutant territory to save a bunch of “pilgrims” that need to be impregnated. Everyone seems to be cool with rape in this movie. The machine girl coerces Sam and the jealous colonel shocks his junk. Then the colonel finds an escaped fertile woman, drugs her, and has Sam impregnate her while she watches. This movie wouldn’t even pass HBO standards today.

Well, they get to Frogtown and guess what! Its full of mutated Frogs! The place is run by Commander Toadie who makes all his captives dance the “dance of the three snakes”. That turns out to be Toadie’s three pronged junk and just when the crazy sex-fiend colonel was going to be forced to copulate with Commander Toadie, Sam saves the day! Anyway, they end up escaping in their pink truck but the Frog gang follows them shooting mortars at them. (btw Commander Toadie wears a Mercedes hood ornament as a necklace like an old school rapper)

It turns out that a stupid men’s right activist (MRA) was selling guns to Commander Toadie in order to buy Uraniam and create one final nuclear bomb to kill all the foxy chicks who want to get pregnant. What a plot twist!

Well Sam kills the MRA and Commander Toadie in a fight a la Kirk and the Gorn. Once he’s done, he gets back into the Jeep with a bunch of young women with terrible haircuts and drives off into the sunset preparing himself to get all of them preggers.

Analysis: Was this movie written by a bunch of horny teenagers? Or maybe Roddy wrote the script? Either way, good on those guys. If I was 15 years old I would appreciate this movie a lot more. I would describe this movie as Ninja Turtles cross with a low rent Mad Max (the new Charlize one, not the old Mel Gibson one).

Review: This movie wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The frog bad guys seemed unorthodox but I suppose Ninja Turtles falls under this same issue.

As far as book report movies go, this one gets a C+.

Watch the whole movie here:

This book report was the biggest loss in bookreportbets.com history. It was 7 way action with 2:1 odds that Pixels would have a better opening than the Emoji Movie. It’s a sad world where this didn’t happen. While I enjoyed Pixels, my faith in humanity has dropped to a new low.

This is Book Report 4 of 7 for this bet. ☹

 

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