Title: Eegah Tagline: The Crazed Love of a Prehistoric Giant for a Ravishing Teenage Girl! Budget: N/A Box Office: -$10MM? Key Actors: Jaws from Moonraker Blonde Boy with a smooshed face aka Ugly Kid aka UK Harlot named Roxy Shitty Alan Quartermaine aka Roxy’s Dad Synopsis: The movie starts with an ugly kid pumping gas […]

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From Justin to Kelly

This movie is a modern day Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello beach film, minus the charm or talent, and with a lot more songs about being slutty.  It’s a fish-out-of-water story about a girl from Texas (Kelly Clarkson) who heads to Spring Break in the big city of Fort Lauderdale, Florida, only to meet a party promoter (Justin Guarini) who is her “complete” opposite. Except that sometimes the Texas girl just wants to get dirty on the dance floor and sometimes the bad-boy party promoter uses his earnings from hosting bikini contests to pay for textbooks. So really, they’re more alike than at first glance.  It’s truly a romance for the ages.

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The Emoji Movie

This movie is about murder. This movie is about totalitarian governments. This movie is about the downtrodden masses who only yearn for work. This movie is about police brutality. This movie is about vengeful gods. This movie is about assimilation. This movie is about consumerism. This movie is about America. ☹ Title: The Emoji Movie […]

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Hell Comes to Frogtown

I love post-apocalyptic movies, especially when the apocalypse is because of nuclear fallout. I’ve played *a lot* of Fallout, I think I am prepared. Title: Hell Comes to Frogtown Tagline: A new breed of enemy has taken over the world… Sam Hell has come to take it back. Budget: Couldn’t find it but my guess […]

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Santa with Muscles

As Maximus Decimus Meridius, the commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife said:  “I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” (for making me watch this movie) BTW, Chris […]

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Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

This movie is incredibly retarded and I definitely lost many braincells watching it. Well done Mel, so far you are winning the “who can brain damage Ameesh the most” xoxo Title: Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! Tagline: N/A Budget: ??? Box Office: 8==D ~ ~ ~ Key Actors: Steve Sanders Marc Cuban Sugar Ray The […]

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