Hell Comes to Frogtown

I love post-apocalyptic movies, especially when the apocalypse is because of nuclear fallout. I’ve played *a lot* of Fallout, I think I am prepared. Title: Hell Comes to Frogtown Tagline: A new breed of enemy has taken over the world… Sam Hell has come to take it back. Budget: Couldn’t find it but my guess […]

Santa with Muscles

As Maximus Decimus Meridius, the commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife said: “I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” (for making me watch this movie) BTW, Chris […]

FIFTY SHADES DARKER … More Like FIFTY BRAINCELLS DEADER, Am I Right?

You guys. Fifty Shades Darker is not, I repeat, is not a spin-off of Grey’s Anatomy. There’s no McSteamy or McDreamy. Just McBroodey and McBadWriting. I know Grey’s Anatomy had that spin-off before. With the red headed doctor. And I think Tim Daly. And Taye Diggs maybe? Damn, he’s a fucking good looking mother fucker. […]

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

This movie is incredibly retarded and I definitely lost many braincells watching it. Well done Mel, so far you are winning the “who can brain damage Ameesh the most” xoxo Title: Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! Tagline: N/A Budget: ??? Box Office: 8==D ~ ~ ~ Key Actors: Steve Sanders Marc Cuban Sugar Ray The […]

PIXELS

Synopsis: Kids play in the 1982 Atari World Championships – little Billy Madison is a gaming genius who can see “patterns” in the game. He ends up losing the championship to FIRE BLASTER aka Tyrion in a game of Donkey Kong (BTW If you haven’t seen the documentary King of Kong you must go see […]

EVAN ALMIGHTY

HERE WE GO! I vaguely remember this movie coming out. Something about a HUGE budget and a colossal flop and one of Steve Carell’s worst movies ever. I also believe there is a sequel called Bruce Almighty but I only made the connection when folks were talking about it in the office. This movie was […]

Tour-bulation de Force

Left Behind II: Tribulation Force is the jewel of the extremely-bejeweled, three-part – and hopefully counting – Left Behind franchise. It chronicles the story of Buck Williams, a renegade journalist living in a world where millions have suddenly and without notice disappeared, and those left behind – the “leftovers” if you will (and I know […]

The Mangler

So I don’t really like scary movies and this is a fairly wide known fact so as I lose book report bets I expect to get these assigned to me. The Mangler is what most people would put into the campy horror bucket, I still don’t like watching these. I got scared watch Ghoulies, or […]

Real Steel

So I am watching Real Steel. I lost a bet and I need to just pull the band aid off with this one so I will be creating a rhetorical stream of consciousness while the film is playing on my tv. The movie starts off with our boy Hugh driving a big rig through Kansas […]

THE COLOR OF TIME – Rose are Red, Violets are Blue, Some Movies Suck, and Some Other Movies Also Suck

I lost a bet* and challenged Friend 1, who won the bet, to find a worst movie for me to review than United Passions, which is possibly the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Confident in the fact that his own abilities are lacking, Friend 1 decided to reach out to Friend 2 — who he […]

Book Report Bets!

These bets hurt so good!